Thinking of You

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go?
I guess second best
Is all I will know

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes

You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best?
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test

He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into...

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now, now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

'Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay... stay.

Why do I'm hoping too much?

Why do I'm hoping too much from you?
When I know, we might not become a thing.

Yes, I know. And yes, I realized.
A long time ago.

But I can't just forget you. I can't.
It is too hard.

When I fall, I fall hard.
And because of it, it's hard to stand up again.

These days, because I was so busy and I tend to forget you.
But why...
When I finally like can forget you, you suddenly comme out again?
Please disappear. Please don't come to me again. Please don't let me see you again. Please?

I'm trying. I'm trying hard
--very hard.


And I will keep trying.
Even though it will takes more than a year.
I will try.

Unless you tell me to stop.
Then, I will.

But, there's no hope.
I know, deep within my heart. I know.

Today.

Today

We saw each other again.

But why?

Why does it feels different?

What is this feeling?

Is it either I think too much?

 

Or...

Am I hoping too much?

 

Hoping for something that won't be mine?

 

Maybe, I am.

 

But dear you,

 

Please.

If.

We passes each other so many times before.
Pass like nothing.
Pass like wind.
Because we don't know each other.

But until that certain day, we saw each other again.
We were lining up, you behind me. Talking to your friend.
I noticed you were looking at me. But I acted like nothing.
Because we don't know each other.

But again, you were sitting behind me.
I felt like somebody watching me from the back.
But I did nothing.

Then I went to wash my hands, again, I noticed you look at me.
Our eyes met each other and you were half smiling.
Then I smiled, acknowledged you.
But I noticed, your eyes tell something.
And it not just a something.
It is an important something.

I wonder what it is?

But from that day till today, I did not see you again.
Where are you?
Where?

Somehow I'm asking myself if I miss you? When you mean nothing to me.

Was it just a feeling? Or it is more than that?

Please? If we ever meet again, please tell me.
The truth.

So,
I won't keep my hope too high.
Because my heart is fragile.
I don't want to get hurt again.

Eyes Nose Lips

You ain’t even really gotta lie

I just need you to say good bye

Then I’ll really let you go and you’ll never see me

So just stop wasting my time

I’ll never come around you again no more

This will be the end now just shut the door

But you’ll miss me everyday

So hurt in every way

It will probably make you wanna go and drive yourself insane

You could’ve had it all but you broke my heart

And now I gotta do what I do

You know you always bring out the best in me

But you played me for a fool

Why do that babe

It doesn’t have to be this way

But there’s no way I could stay

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I tried

I wanna believe in your lies

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I died

Feels like I’m losing my mind

Tired and tired I’m so done

Before you wake up I will be gone

No more sitting home alone

Or waiting for you phone call

You don’t deserve my love

Now you can go look for that girl next door

Cause you ain’t the one I can call my own

I know you’ll miss me everyday

So hurt in every way

It will probably make you wanna go and drive yourself insane

You could’ve had it all but you chose her

And now I gotta find someone new

You don’t even know you had the best in me

Now who looks like a fool

Why do that babe

It doesn’t have to be this way

But there’s no way I could stay

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I tried

I wanna believe in your lies

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I died

Feels like I’m losing my mind

I wish that I can make it all just go away

But it seems like there’s no where i can escape

Thought that I’d be okay

If I never have to see your face again

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I tried

I wanna believe in your lies

And your eyes nose lips

It haunts my memory I can’t forget you if I died

Feels like I’m losing my mind

Step by Step

Hi,

Oh God, it's been a long time since I last posted on blog. 

How I miss this T______T

Been so busy with life during sem break.

With engagement preparation for sister's engagement, Ramadhan, Raya and her real engagement on the third day of raya. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. And now, only few days left until her akad nikah (ah, why I'm so nervous?? It's not my wedding!! haha)

And now, I'm back to university.

Newbie in degree. How fast the time flies! I'm furthering my degree already! :'( Feels like I'm still so young! Hahaha wake up! I'm nineteen. Well, young~~~ 

Well, same housemates like in foundation year. Well, yeah. Nothing can I do.

Just accept the fact that I will be with them for three years. A really long and tough journey. 

Just wish myself the best.

And I guess, I'm finally moving on. I didn't meet him anymore since he didn't further his study here. Well, it's a good thing I guess. Because when I don't think I can move on if I met him. It is just too... I don't know? Impossible. I really did although sometimes I kinda miss him, but I have to stay strong. I have to. I will found who's the one for me oneday. 

The once in a lifetime kind.

"It’s not about finding someone to lose yourself in, it’s about meeting someone to find yourself in. When you connect with someone special, this person helps you find the best in yourself. In this way, neither of you actually meet the best in the each other; you both grow into your best selves by spending time together and nurturing each other’s growth. 

Unknown   "

Another Step.

I was on my stalker mode few days ago. And guess what?
I found out that he won't furthering degree at the same uni with me.
And I don't know how should I feel.
Sad? Happy? Confused? Glad?

Yes, I admitted. Half of me feels sad. Sad because I couldn't meet him anymore.
This friendship will actually come to an end. Why? Because we've lost contact of each other.
Well, it's true. We didn't contact each other at all. No more talking, no more.

But half of me also feels happy? Glad. Because I can move on. Like I will forget him if I didn't meet him again. I should be thankful. I need to move on. Even now I'm on my break, but still, sometimes he comes to my mind and suddenly I'm thinking of him who is far from me. I should be thankful. I should. A year with you is a torture. Mentally suffered. I had enough. Thank you for making a change.

I loved you once.
I hurt once.
I had enough.
I should forget you.
I should move on.

Kenapa?

Kenapa menunggu sesuatu yang tak pasti?

kenapa ada sesetengah orang yang masih menanti sesuatu yang tak pasti?
bahagia kah mereka dengan penantian mereka itu walaupun apa yang di nanti belum pasti jadi milik mereka?
berbaloikah harapan dan penantian itu bila suatu hari yang di nanti itu telah menjadi milik yang lain?
berakhirkah penantian mereka atau mereka akan terus juga menanti sesuatu yang telah menjadi milik orang itu?
dengan harapan ia akan menjadi milik mereka sesuatu hari nanti..
berbaloikah semua itu?
penantian yang sia-sia..
yang tiada erti..
tapi sia-sia kah penantian itu pada akhirnya?
tidak bererti kah penantian itu bila tiba dihujung waktu?
mereka tahu..apa yang di nanti itu tidak pasti boleh dimiliki..
jadi kenapa harus berharap dan menanti?
setia?
pengorbanan?
cinta sejati?
huh!!
atau bodoh?
buta?
gila?
ahh!!
mereka di beri harapan..
sebab itu mungkn..
mereka yakin di hujung penantian akan ada rasa bahagia..
sebab itu mungkin..
mereka pasti dapat memiliki apa yang dinanti..
sebab itu mungkin..
bila harapan yang diberi di biarkan seperti tidak pernah ada..
mereka bagaimana?
bila di hujung penantian yang ada cuma sakit dan perit..
mereka bagaimana?
bila yang di nanti menjadi milik orang lain..
mereka bagaimana?
kecewa..
menagis..
sedih..
sepi..
sendiri..
dendam..
bunuh diri..??
tapi..
bila harapan itu ada..
perlukah kita berhenti berharap?
berhenti menanti?
mungkin tidak..
tapi bila tidak memiliki..
redha lah..
pasrahlah..
tabahlah..
mungkin tuhan ada sesuatu yang lebih indah untuk kita dari apa yang kita tunggu itu..
senyumlah..
kalau tidak pernah memiliki apa yang ingin kamu miliki..
kerna apa yang kamu ada sekarang yang patut kamu hargai dan jaga..

(Re-post from http://madumerahjambu.blogspot.com/)

Port Dickson

It's been a long time since I've visited PD.

Yayyyy! Finally I went there again with le classmates. 

It was after our final exam for foundation year and it was sooooo fun and memorable. 

Dear friends, you will always be there in my mind.

The memories we've created, the memories we've shared, I'll always remember. Till we meet again :'(

Don't.

Don't.

Please don't. 

It Will End Soon

Today is 1st of May 2014.

It's Labour Day!

and most important...

it's public holiday everyone hehe ^^

I can't believe it that I'm going to finish my foundation soon.

It is almost one year.

One year.

Full of dramas.

Full of dilemmas. 

You will face different kind of people. Different kind of personalities.

You know which one is fake, which one is real especially in friendship.

And for me,

Well, I like to observe and sometimes I'm afraid with myself, because sometimes what I said or think might happen in future came true T___T

And if I don't like something, I'll so it.

I don't like to bottle up inside me. It just ouch but yeah, in this one this, I keep it as secret.

But you know, not everything kita boleh simpan inside. 

Kadang kadang nak lepaskan je apa yang rasa dalam hati ni, tapi apakan daya, nak jaga perasaan kawan kan? Susah nak jaga perasaan semua ni. Kadang kadang kita buat something dengan yang ni, yang lain pulak terasa. Buat dengan yang lain, yang ni pulak terasa. Aish susah. Susah. That's why la kadang kadang rasa macam nak grrrr je. And I ended up stay away from them for awhile which I did go back home. Dah penat nak melayan karenah sorang sorang. Jahat kan? Tapi kadang kadang need some times alone jugak. Susah lah kalau everytime nak dengan dorang. I have my own right nak kawan dengan siapa, it's up to me. My parents tak control pun nak kawan dengan siapa, takkan lah kawan ni kena control. It's not like I'm doing something bad, I just went out shopping shopping with them, takkan benda tu pun nak marah? Sampai nak cold dengan aku? Entah la, tak paham aku ni. Biarlah. Nak habis dah pun. This kind of things just menyerabutkan je lagi kepala. Malas nak fikir. Hurmmm, biarlah. Biar cepat masa berlalu, takde la sakit hati sangat, takdelah rasa berdosa sangat asyik kutuk dorang dalam hati T_T

Sabarlah duhai hati. 

Dugaan tu ada kat mana mana. 

Jangan pernah persoalkan, kenapa kita sering di uji.

Jangan. 

How Nice Would It Be

Lunafly - How Nice Would It Be (English translation)

When I see a sky like today’s sky

When the wind blows like it does today

My heart that was pressed down keeps lifting its head

The whole world shakes me up

Even my friends stir things up

Saying that you and I

We look good together

I wanna fly away (I wanna be with you)

And I’m dreaming again (I wanna be with you)

I really didn’t expect anything

I just only liked you

But I keep getting my hopes up

Eating lunch with you

Finding a nice cafe with sunshine

Talking about this and that and laughing

Walking on the street with the sunset

Saying goodbye in front of your house

How nice would it be

My clumsy words

Are proof that I like you

Do I look nervous right now?

Then will you hold my hand?

I wanna fly away (I wanna be with you)

And I’m dreaming again (I wanna be with you)

You were always in my imagination

I always met you in my dreams

And you’re walking with me on this street

Eating lunch with you

Finding a nice cafe with sunshine

Talking about this and that and laughing

Walking on the street with the sunset

Saying goodbye in front of your house

What should I say?

Should I say it now?

Will you say it too?

Will you say it to me?

Words that were left unsaid

Words saying that I love you like this

It might seem fast but that’s how I feel

Eating dinner with you

Finding a place with a nice sunset

Talking about this and that and sharing a kiss

Picking out places to travel together

Sharing this love with you forever

I wanna be with you

Berharap.

Berharap.
Berharap pada yang sudi.
Berharap pada yang tak sudi, mungkin?

Kadang kadang terfikir jugak, kenapa pilih untuk berharap pada yang tak sudi walaupun kita ada banyak choices.
Biasalah, mungkin perasaan kita.
At this age, the feels of wanting to love and to be loved memang ada.
Manusia kan?

Tulis this entry while listening to ''Cassadee Pope - Wasting All These Tears''.
Hurm, kadang kadang rasa macam lagu ni ada kaitan.

Standing on a crying

Feeling like a fool for trying

I don't even remember

Why I'm wasting all these tears on you

I wish i could erase our memory

'Cause you didn't give a damn about me

Oh, finally I'm through

Wasting all these tears on you.

I did waste my tears on you. I did. I wondered why. I'm such a stupid girl right? Wasting my tears on someone who doesn't want me. Babo yoja T____T 

But what to do. Past is the past. I'm trying to stay strong. I'm trying to move on.

Way to go~!

Forget him. Forget him.

Let him go. Let him go.

There are better persons for us out there.

There are.

And oneday, you will meet yours. 

One fine day.

Goodbye.

With every hello, there is a goodbye.

Dear you,
Thank you and
goodbye.

FINAL EXAM!

Final exam will be starting tomorrow.
OMG! This is so stressful!

But OMG!
Finally, I'll be done with all the dramas this one year in foundation.
Too many things happens.

With friends--
With classmates--
With housemates.

At the end,
Yeah--
We can see which one is true friend.
Which one just with their masks on.
Finally.

Finally,
I'll be away. I'll be coming back home.
Ah, finally!

That feeling.
Yay! I'm so happy.

Rindu.

I miss my hometown so much.
I really want to go back.
I need a break. A break from everything.
Everything here is so stressful.
With friends, with assignments.

Friends,
that are supposed to have fun with us.
But I don't know, at one point, I just want to stay away from them.
Sigh.

I need to go to beach.
Alone.
Where I can sit and think, for while.
Where I can have a peace of mind.

Dear time,

Please fly faster.

I want to go home.

I miss it.

Please.

Dia Yang Kau Pilih.

You know what hurts?
Watching the one you love chose somebody else.

You know what hurts?
Watching the one you love walking away from you.

You know what hurts?
That your friendship might won't be the same anymore.

You know what hurts?
Knowing that you didn't have the chance to be together.

Yeah--
It hurts.

Sakitnya.
Sakitnya.

Tapi apakan daya, mungkin dia bukan diciptakan untuk kita. Mungkin dia bukan jodoh kita. Mungkin kita hanya perlu berdoa dan redha.

Ya Allah, jika dia bukan jodohku, Engkau hapuskanlah perasaan ini.
Ya Allah, jika dia bukan bakal menjadi milikku, Engkau lindungilah aku.

Dear you,
Mungkin ini bukan jodoh kita.
Mungkin buka takdir kita untuk bersama.

Dear you,
Berbahagialah dengan dia.
Jagalah dia.
Sayanglah dia.
Jangan main mainkan hati dia.
Mungkin memang takdir untuk kau dengan dia.
Biarkan aku berundur.
Biarkan--
Biarkan.

I just want you to know--
I loved you once.

''Biarkan aku berundur,

Jika itu yang telah pun tertulis,

Jalanku tak panjang bersama dirimu.

Jadikan dia yang terbaik,

Kerna itu yang telah kau pilih,

Biarkan diriku,

Membawa semua,

Luka.''

Thank You.

When we first met,
I had no idea that you would be so important to me.

Dear you,
thank you.

Thank you for all the memories.

Kawan atau Lawan.

Kawan.
Rakan.
Friend.

Ya.
Semuanya satu perkataan.

Kawan.
Hurm, definisi kawan.

Yang selalu ada untuk kita.
Mungkin untuk kita bercerita. Mungkin untuk kita ber-share.
Tatkala tiada seorang pun disisi.

Mungkin apabila kita jauh dari keluarga, kawan memainkan peranan yang sangat besar dalam diri kita.
Kita takkan dapat berdiri selamanya tanpa seseorang pun disisi kita.
Mereka akan tetap ada dimana mana pun.

Namanya--
kawan.

Lawan.
Musuh.
Enemy.

Juga satu perkataan.

Lawan.
Macam mana untuk diterangkan?

Mungkin korang semua dah ada dalam kepala apa maksudnya lawan.
Its different from "kawan".

Kawan sentiasa disisi kita.
Lawan ialah musuh kita.
Yang kita tak suka.
Yang mungkin penyebab kepada something.

Ya, semua yang terjadi di muka bumi ini, semuanya telah ditentukan oleh-Nya.
Kita hanya mampu merancang, tapi Dia yang menentukan segala galanya.

Mungkin lawan kita itu adalah kawan kita ''dulu''.
Mungkin.

Namanya--
lawan.

Missing.

Sebenarnya--
rindu.

Rindu.

Rindu.

Rindu apa?
Rindu siapa?
Rindu mengapa?

Love? Crush?

LOVE?

Define 'love'.

What is love?

1. A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. - Dictionary

2. Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.^[1] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".^[2] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.^{[3] - Wikipedia.}



So, based on the stated meanings above, we know that love is from our feelings.

As for me, love comes when you like someone. When you attached to someone.
As a single girl here, which still haven't been in love (in relationship) with anyone, it's hard to actually understand the meaning of this.

Yes--
I've never been in a relationship.
I don't know why.

Maybe--
Nobody likes me.
Nobody interested in me.
Or i'm an arrogant girl?

Perhaps--
I'm ugly.

Okay, guys like beautiful girls or women.
And i'm not one of them.
So yeah.

In high school, I'm not really interested in a guy because I want to focus on my study.
Okay, typical reason for a student.
But right now, the feeling of want to love and to be loved just came.
Maybe as we're growing older, that feeling is growing too.

So, yes.
Right now, i'm interested in somebody but that person seems to not liking me the way I do.
So I just keep that feeling by myself. I didn't tell anyone else, roommates and anyone closed to me.
For me, it's better to keep it but sometimes, in order to move on, we need to tell the person that we love that we like/love them.
Their answers might make us happy. Who knows if he/she likes us back?
But sometimes, the answer might be disappointing. It might hurts us.

In my case,
I ended up falling for him because he is so nice to me.
He treats me so nice and good. He talks in good way with me. He shares his stories with me.

And--
He also told me about his girlfriend.
Imagine how hurts it was when the person you like, talking about someone else?
But I think I did a very good acting, because I guess he didn't realize that I like him.
But who knows he realized but he just acted like he knows nothing (what a jerk!)

And after some days, I distanced myself with him. Like didn't meet him for awhile, didn't really talk to him and only met in class but I just ignored him and I guess he realized that and didn't come and talk to me. But then, oneday, he suddenly came to me and said,
"You didn't even greet me liken usual."
And I was like, "Oh, hi. Hehe."
Then I just went to my place and sit. Acted like nothing happens.
I don't want the feelings come back again.
It just--
hurts.

But then, he broke up with his girlfriend and now he's with a new girl.
Imagine how it hurts to see him being all happy.
And I talked to him, yeah I did.
Talked like we're friend. I put my feeling aside.
I just need to endure it till May. Then we're done with our study.
I just need to endure. Endure. Keep it by myself although it hurts.


So, oneday I ended up googled on "How to forget your crush?"

http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogSearch?cx=008953293426798287586%3Amr-gwotjmbs&cof=FORID%3A10&ie=UTF-8&q=how+to+forget+your+crush

1. Accepting your feeling
2. Distancing yourselves
3. Moving on for good.


And now, i'm slowly accepting that maybe he will never be mine.
Maybe he's not my future.

I need to move on for good. For my own good.
Maybe there is another guy out there waiting for me.

I just hope that he will be happy with his new girl.
Wish you the best, crush.

Please don't be good to me anymore.
Please--
let me forget you.

It Is

“Maybe I was destined to forever fall in love with people I couldn't have. Maybe there’s a whole assortment of impossible people waiting for me to find them. Waiting to make me feel the same impossibility over and over again.” 

                                                        ― Carol Rifka Brunt, Tell the Wolves I'm Home

Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you (Oh-oh-oh-oh)
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...

---------------------
If you are wondering why I am posting this lyric.

Hurm--
Actually, half of me also don't know why.
It's like I have no reason why I'm posting this.

But after quite sometimes of thinking--
Yes, this song kind of related to me. It's like, this song dedicated to me. The meaning of this song.
So much related.

Well--
Love hurts.
It hurts.
It kills.

Hi!

Hi,

This is my first post--
on a blog.

Yes, first.

So,
Nice to meet you.


Wish me luck.